080504 The Nagging Issue Of Self

It has come to light recently that I am a hypocrite. As much as I like to think highly of myself as well as to think highly of all people, certain information has come to my attention which casts serious doubts regarding my beliefs. It was quite a surprise to me and in the interest of fairness and full disclosure I thought it best to share this with my readers..

It was a Saturday evening when my lady friend decided that what had started as a head cold was more serious and she needed to see a doctor so I drove her off to the emergency room. The prognosis was that she had tonsillitis and laryngitis. We had an older male licensed practicing nurse who seemed highly preoccupied with pregnancy tests. I considered telling him they would just be a waste of time as pregnancy was impossible but I held my tongue as it seemed any attempt at derailing his obsession might backfire and take us even longer.

After blood was drawn by another male nurse (I think it was men only night at the hospital.) who we nicknamed Stabby MaGee, tests were done and the LPN returned with a big smile. “I know you said you couldn’t be pregnant, but I’ve got some news; congratulations!” he gushed.

That was when I spoke up. “But… she had a tubal ligation.”

“Hmmm,” he answered thoughtfully. “That would be unusual, but not impossible. When was your last period?”

“Right now.”

“Hmmm, unusual, but not impossible. There’s no doubt about it. Congratulations.” And he left the room.

It was over sixty hours before we could have a qualified medical professional review two urine tests and one new blood test and say that no, she was not in fact pregnant. During those sixty hours, the dominant thought running through my head was “Well, we’ve got to get that thing out of there.”

I have been on the record as strongly stating my belief that once you have paired off your chromosomes, you have a human life with all the rights of any other human being. You have a human being who cannot defend themselves and that needs to be protected. I have always been solidly in the “right to life” camp.

I am also a man whose greatest joy comes from his son. Before he was born, I was not so hot on the idea of fatherhood, or even on maintaining a marriage that was in its final days, but the instant the nurse handed him to me, my life was transformed in ways that only exist in corny clichés.

“We’ve got to get that thing out of there.”

That is what kept running through my head.

I retired in my thirties to enjoy life. I set up my finances around my lifestyle and drew up specific monetary plans. I spend six weeks a year in Florida with my dad and travel five weeks a year for vacations. I have reservations in Atlantic City for the week that this baby would have been due.

My beliefs have not changed. I am apparently highly conflicted. I still think that even if it is smaller than my thumb and looks like a sea monkey, it is a human being. However, if it is inconvenient to me…